Doug and I will welcome our 5th child into the world
November 2015. The exact month that Xander would be turning 14 yrs old.
About 15 months ago Doug and I began talking about another
child. Do we? Don't we? Should we? Acting as if it was really our decision at
all! We couldn't make up our minds so we decided to revisit it in a few months.
Neither one of us could say 100% that we were done having kids. So, we decided
to give it to the Lord. Let God decide! After all, He knows our hearts, He
knows every desire, every motive, and everything we need. He knew we needed
another baby!
The fact that this baby will be born in November, Xander's
birthday month, is just the icing on the cake! God's timing is perfect. We
never find out the gender of our baby until we hold them in our arms and that
will be the same this time around. There are lots of questions and emotions
that come with this pregnancy. Could God really give us another November baby
boy? Would he look like Xander? Does God want Carter to have 3 little sisters?
How much would Carter love having a little brother? Should we name him or her
after Xander?
Then there are the reality statements; I will never have a
picture of all my children. I will never feel complete. I will never see Xander
hold this baby in his arms. I didn't get to see the look on Xander's face when
we announced we were pregnant. Based on Carter, Charli and McClain's response I
can only imagine the joy Xander would have expressed. Lord willing this baby
will never know what it is like to sit in a clinic all day while big brother
gets chemo. This baby will never eat out of a vending machine on a weekly
basis! Our family is changing and Xander is missing it.
My heart knows peace, joy and sorrow. My heart is
overflowing with thankfulness for this life inside of me. My heart longs to
glorify the Lord. My heart misses Xander. I get to bring one more child into
this world. One more child that will know the life and testimony of their big
brother, Xander Hall Moore. I remember
in the first few months after Xander died, truly wondering how there could be
goodness still in store for our family. I knew that the Lord still had blessings
and goodness for us, but I really struggled with imagining what that would look
like. Now I am getting a glimpse!
I hope you will rejoice with us as we wait for this baby's
arrival and as we let the Lord prepare our hearts and our home.
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy
and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power
of the Holy Spirit"
