May 2, 2013 I stood in front of a large group of elementary students, teachers, and parents at a National Day of Prayer assembly. With Xander standing by my side, I shared about my belief in the power of prayer. I shared that over the last 9 years I had experienced firsthand the blessing of people praying for our family. I also shared that later that afternoon Xander would have a scan to determine if the pain he was in was caused by more cancer. It was a very emotional time on that stage. I had already turned in my notes, everything I was going to say had already been outlined a week prior. Then suddenly Xander was hurting and we are back to the doctor for testing. The thoughts racing through my head were different now. I stood there knowing that Xander was in pain. Knowing that it was probably more disease. Believing that God would conquer all of it, but being fearful of what that would mean for Xander and our family.
Today Xander is not standing by my side. Xander is standing next to his Savior. Xander is no longer in pain and I am no longer fearful. God did conquer the disease and He conquered death.
But my prayer life has been very different since Xander went to be with Jesus. For so many years I prayed for healing. I prayed for doctors. I prayed for a cure. I prayed for Xander. I prayed that God would be glorified through Xander's life. Then suddenly, Xander is gone. Xander no longer needs our prayers. Xander has been healed. Xander's faith is now sight. Xander is living and breathing in the presence of the very one who hears our prayers. Some days, most days actually, my heart is so heavy and full that I don't even know how or what to pray.
Romans 8:26-27 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."
Some would ask, why do we even pray when God already knows our hearts? My answer is this; the time I spend in prayer is the sweetest part of my relationship with the Lord. The years I spent praying for Xander showed me more of the Lord's love and goodness than I could have ever imagined. It makes my faith stronger and it gives me confidence in the Lord's plans for me, because I KNOW HE HEARS ME!